sesuatu

keremangan lampu kamar ini hanya membuat saya mual
saya dapat mendengar tiap detik berlalu dalam ketukan hampa dengan sangat jelas
dan saya merasa seperti hilang dalam dimensi yang disebut kosong
saya ingin dapat merasakan sesuatu
namun saya mati rasa
saya ingin merasakan sakit
tetap saya mati rasa
dan saya tidak mengerti
saya tidak merasakan apapun
ingin sekali saya meminta maaf kepada semua orang yang terlanjur terpaksa terjerat dalam hidup saya yang busuk dan membosankan
saya tidak akan pernah mampu membahagiakan siapapun karena saya tidak tau pasti apa itu bahagia
saya tidak bisa merasakannya
saya hanya ingin bisa merasakan sesuatu
mungkin itu sudah cukup
untuk makhluk menyedihkan seperti saya, sesuatu itu sangat berarti
cukup dengan
sesuatu
yang saya tidak tau itu apa
hanya
sesuatu

i hate you

you dont even care of me,you dont even know and you dont wanna know
i hate you

i wont be a great manager

cause i dont even know how to manage my fucking heart! :'(

cinta yang diam menunggu

cinta yang saya punya bukan cinta yang manis
bukan cinta yang hangat dan meleleh
bukan cinta yang lembut
bukan cinta yang cantik
bukan cinta seperti itu

cinta yang saya punya pahit
cinta yang saya punya keras
cinta yang saya punya gelap
cinta yang saya punya dingin

namun dengan cinta saya yang mungkin terlihat seperti bukan cinta
saya masih dapat mencintai dengan benar
saya masih bisa menyimpan segala cinta yang tidak sempat saya ungkapkan
saya masih bisa mencintai dalam diam
dan yang terpenting
cinta saya tidak pernah berhenti
cinta saya tetap pada tempatnya
menunggu
dan terus menunggu

actually honestly well ....

im not okay
im not alright
im not even just fine
yeah i know i could be better than this
but you know what
im just like, getting bored of trying
and getting tired of hoping
cause dreams are sucks
super sucks
none of my dreams will ever be real
NONE
so it feels like im living for nothing,aren't i?
im feeling like a stupid zombie
but still,i can convince all of the people around me that im fine
well
that's a silly big lie
im fucked up

kehilangan

kehilangan adalah perasaan yang selalu saya rasakan
kehilangan
cinta
harapan
mimpi
kebahagiaan
semua
tidak ada lagi yang tersisa
namun ternyata saya masih bisa merasa kehilangan lagi
kehilangan yang memuakkan
memabukkan
dan kali ini saya kehilangan akal sehat
kembali
kehilangan

MALAM

Langit hitam pekat yang mebingkai rindu
Mencoba mencari cahaya namun bulan memilih bersembunyi
Mencoba melawan sunyi namun hanya hati ini yang berteriak tanpa suara
Mencoba mengais mimpi namun hanya ada bayangan pahit yang masih terlalu nyata
Lalu aku terdiam dan memandang dinding, hanya ada kekosongan
Tidak ada yang menjawab, seisi ruangan ini hanya menatapku kosong
Kursi itu berderak seperti aku yang mulai rapuh
Pintu itu berdecit seperti aku yang menjerit
Dan aku semakin kosong merasa hancur
Lalu aku kembali bertanya dan tidak ada jawaban
Hanya langit hitam pekat yang membingkai sepi yang sendu
Dan bulan yang bersembunyi
Dan aku yang sendiri

random thoughts

terlalu egois bagi semua orang untuk hanya membatasi diri untuk bergundah gulana dalam masalah mereka masing-masing
terlalu egois bagi saya untuk merasa hancur disaat semua orang di dunia ini memang telah hancur
namun terkadang memang saya merasa tidak sanggup dan saya jelas tau saya sama sekali bukan manusia yang kuat
saya hanya cukup pandai untuk berpura-pura
namun saya lebih rapuh daripada asap
saya ingin menghentikan waktu untuk dapat berpikir
karna saya telah menghabiskan sebagian waktu saya hanya untuk menangis
mungkin akak tiba saatnya dimana semua orang sudah enggan untuk sekedar menatap saya karna saya terlalu mebosankan
karna saat melihat wajah saya hanya ada kekosongan yang terlalu sepi
karna saat mekihat saya hanya ada tangis tertahan dari semua masalah yang tidak pernah berhasil saya pecahkan
dan setiap melihat mata saya
hanya ada keluhan yang membeku
saya tidak pernah bicara karna saya tidak bisa bicara
atau mungkin saya tidak mau bicara
karna apalagi yang mau saya bicarakan?
saya sendiri enggan mendengar semua cerita saya
lebih baik saya diam
berpikir
dan tak menjawab
hanya berpikir
karna tidak akan pernah ada jawaban

AIR

Air dapat memelukmu
tapi tak akan membelenggumu
Air dapat pantulkan cahayamu
tapi tak dapat jadikanmu nyata

Jakarta, 13 Mei 2006 12:24:00 PM

another jerk another pain another bye another hello

hey you, yes you!
you're breaking my heart not that bad but still it's a pain
you're not a jerk, no
but wait
yes you are a jerk
you're a great liar and a great manager
manager?
yeah you could manage two relationships nicely
and yeah it's a goodbye
i'm done with you
and i'm so moving on
bye
love you
see you
i'm not a hater for sure
so i'd rather say love you than hate you
:)

i miss you

but you dont even bother to care at all

no im not fine AT ALL

last night i was acting stupid
well i don't care
cause we all just gonna reach some point
when we couldn't move on and just say 'enough'
and i've reached that point
i'm tired of being a fucking pretender
all of those smile was fake
i was faking it
so i guess it's alright to look weak somehow
cause i'm not a superhero
i could be tired
and i could be suicidal

waiting for your call

pink tank-cotton on.white tank-mangdu.shorts-diy.bags-forever21.flats-the little things she needs

i just need you now

i'm tired of this shit
i'm freaking fucked up
i know it sounds silly,cheesy,immature and whatever i don't care
cause i feel like i can't stand it anymore
i just wanna runaway somewhere alone
and just build a new life, new hope
okay,for realistic way all i have to do is enjoying this fucking life
but how?
i need you to be here with me
at least i'm not alone and i've got someone to hold on
please
just come
now
:(

R.I.P reality

bukan berarti saya adalah manusia menyedihkan yang terlalu banyak mengeluh bila saya merasa realita ini hanya mimpi belaka
karena saya tidak pernah membagi sakit ini dengan orang lain
saya puas menikmati rasa sakit ini pelan-pelan
saya menikmati bagaimana rasa kecewa itu menusuk perlahan hati saya lalu mengoyak-ngoyak sisa hati saya yang masih berdarah-darah
saya mencintai bagaimana airmata saya terasa panas membakar pipi saya saat saya menangis
dan saya tidak bisa berhenti tersenyum saat meresapi kembali tamparan yang saya dapatkan dari kecemburuan yang meninggalkan bekas dalam

SAKIT itu MENJERAT SAYA
SAKIT itu ADIKTIF

namun terkadang rasa sakit itu membuat saya merasa hidup saya ini hanya mimpi
kurang bisa dipercaya kenyataan yang saya alami
karena keterlaluan sekali bila dipikir dengan akal sehat
mengapa SAYA LAGI?

realita ini terlalu memuakkan dan saya sudah membunuhnya
sekarang saya berpijak di atas tanah abu-abu
bukan mimpi, bukan kenyataan

jadi
di sinilah saya
menangis
dan tertawa
kesakitan
dan meresapi
begitulah
HIDUP

YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE

i don't want to be so disrespectful okay?
but you're talking way too much
i know you're fucking old
but i can take care of myself
you shouldn't talk all day
i don't wanna hear that fucking speech
bye bye bye bye bye bye
FUCK YOU

now i want to move on

you know what?
it feels nice to know that you already know what you really want
it's nice to know that you do really care of her
cause it's nice to know that you're happy
although you're in misery,i know that's just a short period
every relationship has shitty period
but i know for sure you'll be happy

so i'm ready to let you go
i'm trying to open my heart again to somebody else
but nobody make me feel the same feeling that i felt for you
but that's okay
i guess it's time for me to having some fun
just make it fun
make it another stupid lust
i don't care
i need something to distract me from my loneliness
i can't lie
i still do care of you and it still feel hurts whenever i heard your story
so i need something fresh
i don't care if i'm acting like a freaking jerk again
i won't hurt anybody
this is just another love game
so
well
i'm moving on baby
but still

LOVE YOU

I hate it when i can't stop arguing with myself

okay, i admit it
i can't explain myself
yes it's true
i don't even know what i'm feeling inside
this is absurd
i'm trying to figure it out with my brain
but my heart starts a riot on me
and i feel like
i can't even let my heart and brain be a good friend
so now i'm arguing with myself

cause i'm trying to let you go
but my heart won't let me
so
here i am
confused

F.Y.I

if you think your life is better than mine you should take time to realize
if you think you've ruined my freaking life you're totally wrong
if you think that i wouldn't be happy you're such a stupid dumbass

i wanna let you know
when we broke up
i just had realized that it was the best moment of our relationship
if you thought that you've ruined my life
well yeah i thought you were
but then i was so thankful
because you made me stronger and now i live my life in the right path
so thanks for you
and if you thought that my life was so pathetic cause i'm single
and you already has new companion
well you prove me that you're a total moron
cause if stupid relationship became your first priority and pride accomplishment
well then we obviously have a different priority
i wanna graduate from my university with great score and get a nice job
so i could make my daughter and family happy
for me love just my last priority
cause if it's the right time for me to get my mr. right
it will happen just like that

so you should know
that you're such an immature BOY
if you're mocking around about me and called me BITCH
that's your problem
cause you should be ashamed
remember?you're the one who was begging for my love
and i don't want you anymore
so you acted that way
that's pathetic

f.y.i before you started it i never try to make yourself looks stupid in front of other people
cause that such a childish way to end the relationship
but you want it this way
so here it this
you are a cowardly stupid boy with tiny mind and you're a pathetic liar

live your freaking life
you suck
:D

you're the smoke to my high

it's from auburn-perfect two song
well actually i don't really like the melody
and most of the lyrics was too sweet for me

but there are several lyrics that really real for me
like this one

cause for me
love is like a drug
it makes me high
it makes me sick
it makes me fly
it makes me fall

and he's the smoke to my high
cause he's keeping me high
whenever i'm with him
but fall down and sick
whenever i'm without him

i miss everything, well i miss you

you don't know how much you mean to me
and you'll never know
i'm just missing you so freaking bad
can't stop thinking bout you
and that sucks
cause i know you're really happy with your new life
you're so much more better be without me, i guess
so
i won't bother you for sure
just missing you
so much
damn much
fucking much

love you

mencoba tidak hancur

semakin saya membuka mata dan mencoba melihat dengan benar
semakin saya sadar bahwa nyatanya sudah tidak ada harapan tersisa untuk sekedar SEDIKIT bahagia
mungkin terlalu cengeng bila saya menyatakan ini adalah akhir dari semuanya dan setelah ini saya hanya menjalani kewajiban karena takut untuk bunuh diri
memang bodoh bila saya mengedepankan cinta monyet yang ternyata tidak hilang setelah hampir 4 tahun
tapi bagaimana saya berpikir dengan logika bila hati saya terus meraung dan menghilang sedikit demi sedikit

jelas saya berusaha untuk tidak remuk redam
saya ingin kuat
dan jujur saya sudah berusaha sekuat saya untuk tampak kuat di depan semua orang
saya ingin bisa bertahan
tapi ternyata sulit

dan sekarang sayapun tidak tahu apa yang saya cari
karena semua yang saya inginkan
hanya menjadi mimpi busuk
untuk mencari mimpi baru untuk dikejar
saya rasa saya tidak mau

jadi
biarlah

loving from distance in silence

i know it's kinda stupid talking bout love over and over again
i know i'm better than that but i can't help it
i just can't stop thinking bout him

you know what,it's been like i don't know, 2 months?1 month?since i met him
the last time i met him was when i watched toy story 3 and darn it i forgot when
anyway,
after that i never ever text him thru the bbm nor msn or whatever
cause i don't wanna bother him
and when i stalked his tweets (i know i'm creepy okay?)
it just feels like i almost don't know him
well i know it's his time to go out hang out whatsoever
and yeah he's having a great time,i guess

well i thought after this freaking time i don't even call him or meet him
i'll forget it
i'll get over it
and
i was totally wrong
whenever i saw his tweet i can't stop wondering "what he's gonna do today?"
whenever i saw his picture i just literally feel that fucking butterflies and realized that i miss him so damn much

so
i decided to giving up
i GIVE UP but not STOP
i give up on him
but i won't stop to loving him
i'll be there when he needs me

i'll be there

where were you LAST NIGHT??????????

okay i should be careless
that's your own business but i can't help it
why you should been there?
it's not a big problem i know
but i hate it
to have a thought of what you did there
i hate it when i know you're all grown up now
yeah you've changed a lot!
i hate it
i hate this part of grown up
i hate it when i know you'll get thru this thing till you've had enough
i know it's fun for you
but it's not fun for me
wondering
here
alone

fear of dissapointment

Gw sangad mengerti apa yg membuat gw berubah
Gw gag berani memulai
Gag berani ngomong yg sbenernya
Karna gw takud merasakan kekecewaan yg kemungkinan besar akan gw rasakan
Gw lebih milih mencintai loe diam2 dari kejauhan
Karna gw gag mau kehilangan rasa ini
Kehilangan keinginan untuk mencintai loe
Karna ini satu2nya cara bwad gw untuk ngerasain cinta ygslalu gw damba2kan
Gw mau loe slalu ada di tempat yg selalu gw sisakan bwad loe
I love you

i don't fucking care, i will always love you

i don't care what happen next
i don't care whether you know it or not
i don't care if it looks silly to you
but i just love you
and i can't change that no matter what
so. . . .
just let me love you
i won't bother you
just a love
from distance
in silence

i love you
always

(i guess i'll should mention a lil thing about you)
J

i'm literally dying

i cant take it
i give up
just let me die

sad road

im here i this sick town with long sad road
i hate this place
cause we used to go here together
:(

eenie MEANie miney mo lova

no comment :)

honestly, i wish you were here

Hey mister cold
How's your day?
I really wanna know what do you do today
I want to just say hi and good night
But well
Yeah as usual I'm a cowardly girl
I wish I could do whatever I want

I just don't wanna make you confused
If I show you how much I care
You must be really confused
You wouldn't have any idea about the responses from all of my careness
Well
I miss you like hell

Just wanna say
Nite
Sweet dream
I know you couldn't sleep now

Just don't be such an insomniac
That's not good for your health
And
I miss you already
I wanna hug you :p

Love you
Always

Do you remember?
(Selamanya) it's so nice to hear you say that word
Selamanya
I love you

my life would suck without you

you'll always be my baby :)

releasing moment

I've been acting stupid this whole time
And finally I could be.brave
And it's not that bad
It isn't bad at all
And I'm so happy

I don't care if you will never know how much I love you
I don't care if I will never be with you
As long as I could be there as your friend
As long as you know me
As long as I know anything that happen to you
It's more than enough

I love you
And I'll never get over it
And I don't care
Cause I'm happy :)

im so stupid

i hate it!
you know what
whenever im with you i feel that butterflies in my stomach, literally!
and my mouth just shut
i cant say anything
im so nervous
darn it!
i was like junior high school girl who fell in love with her friend!
why oh why?????!!!!!!!!!!!

gonna meet you there

gonna see your smile
hello mister COLD
:)

maybe i call it LOVE

this several days my mood was so mellow and i hate it
cause i cant stop thinking bout you!
that's unfair while you dont even care that im exist
i guess
--"

i miss my MISTER COLD

your carelessness just make me really pissed and crazy at the same time
cause your carelessness not annoying at all
and it's kinda cute for me
--"
supercrazy me

i am a stupid stalker --"

cause i'm so in love with you
and you make me so nervous around you
so i can't let you know how i'm feeling inside

miss you
please get back home

mister COLD

love is just a stupidity, but how about all of my feelings for you, is it a stupidity too?

just a stupid thought
maybe it's just because OF this fucking trouble-sleepping

i just read some novel and all of those love stories..
they gives us happpy ending
well actually
the first book talks about their struggle to be together
but the second book just told us how happy they are after that long journey

well well
love isn't that easy i guess
cause after all this time
i still couldn't taste the sweet thing about love

all of these guys just make me sick and disgusted by their attitude
well except this litlle mister cold

he was there
he was giving his best
and i was a silly girl who just wanna have fun

i was falling into another guy
many guys actually
but all of them couldn't satisfy me
cause deep inside my heart this mister cold always gat his part

now after i'm falling head over heals for him
he just ignores me

i don't even know if he notice me
maybe for him i was just another distraction
or just a FRIEND
not even best friend

i wanna let him know
but i just can't

and i just realized that love just about stupidity
and i'm sick of that things

i don't wanna be in love
but i just keep loving him
i love him
and i know it is love
this ain't another lust
this is love

but it's just too little too late
isn't it?

i wish you could give me another chance

i wish you were the one that i'll spend my life with
i wish it was you
i wish
i wish
i wish

well mister cold
please
stop playing this hard to get games
cause i couldn't be more careless than this
and it's tiring
i want you
NOW

electric guitar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MD63j20VMRU&feature=related

this guy reminds me of someone with that electric guitar
gossshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

kamu

aku ingin menghilang

mungkin berlebihan bila aku berkata hidupku terlalu melelahkan
tapi aku rasa tiap orang memiliki titik henti di mana mereka boleh menghela nafas dan berkata
"CUKUP"
mungkin berlebihan bila aku terlalu sakit hingga memilih mati
tapi bukankah semua orang punya presepsi sakit yang berbeda-beda?

sekarang aku sudah cukiup kuat untuk bangkit
meskipun langkahku berdarah-darah tapi aku tetap mampu untuk terseok-seok mencari jalan yang baru

di awal kegilaan ini
aku merasa putus asa karena aku tau
semua mimpiku hangus dibakar waktu
dan tak ada lagi yang bisa kulakukan selain mengemban tanggung jawab yang terpaksa aku jalani
aku tidak punya pilihan untuk bahagia
karena aku tau mimpiku berujung pada kamu

aku tau kamu terlalu jauh untuk kugapai
dan kini kamu terlalu mahal untuk kumiliki

namun aku sekarang mengerti
saat aku masih bisa di sini dan melihat senyummu mengambang
mungkin aku memang masih hidup

aku mencoba meminimalkan luka yang sudah ada
aku menekan semua keinginanku agar hatiku hampa
karena ternyata lebih mudah menjadi mayat hidup tanpa hati
karena aku tidak pelu menelan rinduku yang terlampau pahit

aku mencoba berbahagia dengan segala hal sederhana
aku mencoba bahagia karena masih bisa bernafas
aku mencoba bahagia karena di dunia tempat aku terasing ini
masih ada kamu

terlalu gilakah aku untuk membiarkan semua hidupku berotasi padamu?
kurasa tidak
karena tanpa kamu aku tidak sanggup lagi
karena kamu aku berharap masih ada satu mimpi yang bisa aku kerjar
karena kamu aku terdengar lebih manusia
karena aku merasakan cinta
lagipula aku tidak meminta apa-apa
aku tidak mengeluh
aku tidak menangis
aku menyimpan ini sendiri
aku tak peduli bila kamu tak tau

dan bila suatu saat nati kita tetap tidak bisa bersama
aku tetaplah sangat beruntung karena bisa hidup dan bertambah tua
di sekitar kamu

melihat

kamu

hanya

kamu

dan

kamu

selalu

kamu

where are you

i know you're playing cool
but it won't kill you if you just say hi
or whatever

darn it!
where the hell are you?!

do you remember?

i miss you

YOU

yes it was you !
i can't believe it how long i haven't seen your face
you're getting cuter
and i just realized how much i miss you
i thought that feeling was getting less and less
but guess what
you're still the one who could make me act stupid
you're the one who could make me shy
you're the one who could make me freeze at one point starring at your face
you're still the one who could make me love someone that much

you should know it
you're just like the air that i breathe
loving you as easy as breathing
no need to think cause that's what my body needs
you're just like my road back to home
i'll always pass that road
like i'll always love you

i miss you
i love you
i want you
i need you

i wish i could turn back time
:(

and again
all i wanna say is
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU

hope is everywhere

dont stop believing
life must go on

mr. pathetic

it's so funny to see you there
mocking around about me
talking crap about my past
denying your own heart

you should have known that you were act stupid
you knew that you were too much pretending
and you just couldn't forget me
and you just blame it on me

it's pathetic when you couldn't move on
when you know that i was so moving on
it's so sad to be alone
when you know that i'll never be alone

you'll always stuck with that painful thought
cause i'll always be there smiling on your mind
you couldn't lie
cause i know exactly what you feel

mister, i fell nothing about it
when i see you're dying
i just enjoy every second to see you screaming with that pain

mister, i'll never be better than this
cause i just had realized that i shouldn't have to staying here with your stupid mind

mister, you're not better than me
cause you just can't stay strong and facing the truth
you were running away from this fucking reality
and hiding in your lies

mister, you're pathetic
cause you just keep blaming the situation
it's all your fault to be that fucking cowardly dog
that situation was made by your own stupidity

so goodbye forever
have fun with your own loneliness
your lies will never strong enough to protect you from the reality

mister pathetic

morning

suddenly your face just come up
and i feel totally weird cause i can't really explain what i feel inside
i don't know is it love?
is it nothing?
is it.... what?

but all i know is i miss you
i wish i could see you around

well
morning
miss you
mylove

sayang

sayang
menangislah sampai puas karna sebentar lg aku akan pergi dalam tawa
sayang
merintihlah kepadaku karna akulah yang menyayat hatimu itu
sayang
berteriaklah sekencang-kencangnya karna aku juga yang membakar jiwamu

sayang
lihatlah ke belakang
ingatlah apa yang sempat kamu katakan
dan lihatlah apa jadinya kamu sekarang

sayang
kamu akan mati
di depan wajahku
sekarang

for you

i know you won't read this so i guess it's fine to write this thing here

you know, actually i've been in love with you since we started our relationship
you're the most special and i guess, you're just the best i ever had
i can't stop loving you
well maybe it's because we have to see each other every day either
when i had a long holiday and i didn't met you, i could be careless bout you
but...... when i see your face again, i just couldn't be normal
that feeling just fill up my heart again and again and again

i know i did stupid things
i acted stupid
and i treated you like a crap
but i was just a stupid kid i'm too young to notice what i really felt at that time
i was selfish and i was fucking careless

but as time goes by and i've grown up
i've learnt so many things
but then i did my stupid mistake the most stupid mistake
and i couldn't tell you what it is until now
i have no guts to tell you

and after all the things i've been thru
i just realized that my world revolves arounf you
i can't forget you
i love you until now
still as strong as before

i wanna let you know
but i'm too afraid
cause i guess you're gonnna think that i'm so silly, foolish, and weird

but this is what i feel
I LOVE YOU
and i fucking miss you
and i'm so sorry about all of the stupid things that i did
i didn't mean it at all
i know i was stupid

well
sorry
and
i love you still
i wish i could tell you this
but i can't

:(

i HATE YOU! cause i love you so damn much

I hate it when you talk to her like that
I hate it when you talk about her to me like that
I hate it when you look at her like that

I hate it when I can't stand your cute smile
I hate it when I can't stop thinking about you
I hate it when I realized that I never stop loving you
I hate it when I know that I love you that much
I hate you
I love you

INSOMNIA

I wanna sleep
I need a dream
But in this few weeks
I only could get a fucking nightmare
I wanna sleep
I'm tired
Feeling like a fool
There's nothing I can do
I wanna sleep
I'm sick of that vision
I hate all of those memory
That's broken dreams
Nobody can fix it
I wanna sleep
I need a rest
But I just can't
Restless
I wanna sleep
I'm so fed up with this reality
I just wanna go somewhere else
I wanna sleep
But I can't
Just can't
Insomnia
I wanna sleep

paramore - the only exception :(

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that
I'm content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream-

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

help me

Angin berkejaran menerobos tubuhku yang hampa
Kesunyian menukik menusuk hatiku yang telah tiada
Aku tak tau apa yg kurasa
Apakah aku punah?
Karna rasanya aku terasing dari dunia
Apakah aku tidak kasat mata?
Karna tak ada yg mau menatapku
Apakah aku mati?
Karna rasanya aku lupa caranya bernafas

Aku terkunci dalam ruang hampa udara
Aku tak tau jalan keluarnya
Dan tak ada yg tau aku telah hilang
Aku mau berlari
Membawa ceritaku yabg telah busuk
Aku mau pergi
Membuang kenanganku yang telah mati

Aku terkunci
Aku tak bisa pergi
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku
Aku
Terkunci

i'm not OKAY

Saya memang mampu menampakkan wajah itu
Saya selalu datar agar tak terbaca
Tak ada yg tau hati saya rusak
Hati saya hanya tersisa serpihan-serpihan kecil saja
Jiwa saya sakit
Sejujurnya saya tidak mampu
Tapi kemana lagi saya harus mengadu?
Saya berkali-kali ingin mati
Tapi begitu banyak pertimbangan yang memberatkan
Saya tidak mau pergi sebagai manusia yang lepas tanggung jawab
Saya ingin teriak
Saya sendirian
Saya bukannya kuat saya hanya tak bisa lagi mengeluh
Saya lupa caranya bermanja-manja
Saya lupa caranya berbagi kesedihan
Saya lupa caranya meluapkan kepedihan ini
Saya lupa
Karna saya terbiasa sendiri dalam diam
Saya tidak berani bersuara
Saya takut ada yang mendengar
Saya menangis dalam diam
Saya meronta dalam diam
Saya sedih
Saya sepi
Dalam diam
Dan tidak
Saya tidak baik-baik saja

i ain't numb SHIT!!!

My heart is sick
I'm such a great pretender
But I'm totally sick
I can't handle this fucking life
Should I give up?

Yes miracle doesn't happen
Shit does happen

Here I am crying without tears
Screaming without voices
Alone
Nobody knows
I wanna die seriously

:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

i wish you were here

I don't know
I just need somebody
I don't know
I feel so alone
I don't know

I just try real hard to survive
I guess I need someone to be here
I wanna talk I wanna laugh
I just couldn't do that alone
I can't do all of those things with all of this fucking people
I can't find the right person

I promise to myself
I will never ever trust anyone else but me
I swear I couldn't get through the heartsick period again and again
I just wanna be happy

I feel so alone
I wish you were here
I wish somebody is here

i'm not a LIAR

I'm sad
But it's not because of you
I just don't get it
Why I could be that stupid?
For believing every single things that you said
For being so tolerant to your immature attitude
I should know it
We shouldn't be together

About all of this mess
Let me fix it by myself

Just bye

kasiiiaaaaannnnn hahaha

Ada banyak orang yang menolak untuk menerima dirinya sendiri
Mereka mati-matian menyangkal diri mereka sendiri
Dan semua tingkah laku mereka palsu

Pertanyaannya adalah "apakah sebegitu memalukannya diri kalian sampai gag punya keberanian buad jdi diri sendiri?"
Mereka norak
Knapa? Karena mereka berlaku konyol untuk terlihat baik
Please,itu konyol

Mereka biasanya berpura-pura senang
Jelas mereka tidak bahagia
Mereka ditolak semua orang termasuk keluarga mereka sendiri
Itulah alasan mereka menyangkal diri sendiri
Terlalu banyak penolakan

Jujur saya kasian
Apa daya
Mereka memang menyedihkan

:D

just gonna be a FOOL one time

Yes I admit it I ever be a stupid foolish little girl
At that time I was acting like a crazy lady in love
That wasn't love that was a terrible stupidity
I was in love with the wrong guy in the wrong situation
All I did was something wrong

Then I realized it, at some point I felt enough with that shitty things
So I finished it all
That crap was over and I couldn't be better than this

That shit gave me a big bloody mark
But I don't even care I could fix everything that I want
This is my life and I'm the boss of everything
I won't let myself stuck in the pathetic hole

I could survive and ignore them
Everyone could make mistakes
The differences is only about how big is the bruises that we have made
I don't fucking care if they give me that judgement look

I live my life in my own way
I made a misrakes and I fix it
They should be ashamed because they only yap
But if they were me I don't think they could stand strong

Life is hard
But we are strong enough to fight for it!

DAMN! I'M IN LOVE

great! how stupid i am
you always been there all of this time
we used to be an item
why i have to let those things happen?
why i have to be a fucking foolish to let you go

then i realize that i'm fucking in love with you like forever
i never knew it would be you
i guess i could move on
but you're so damn addictive

yeah! DAMN I'M IN LOVE
with you again
well,IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU ANYWAY :)





YES IT'S YOU mylove

it's always been you

how i could let myself to let you go?
stupid

bye-bye seems great!

people hates bye
so do i
but when suddenly i said that word
it feels nothing
then it feels good!!!!
yes i'm free
i just realize that why i feel unhappy
because i'm stuck in the fucking situation with fucking wrong guy
now i'm totally happy

bye-bye seems great!

well...

i guess we all wants to live in a fairytale with a happy ending and sparkling sky
i guess we all wants to wake up and smile to the bright sunshine and singing with beautiful little bird
i guess we all wants to sleep in the fluffy golden bed and ends that day with a big smile around our faces

but there's no fairytale
only a fucking big fat liar reality

i keep wondering how to make the miracle comes and stay with us
i'm praying everyday
but miracle doesn't happen
unluckily SHIT DOES HAPPEN

well, what should i do now?
crying and hiding under my bed?

no i couldn't do that
this life makes me stuck
there's no place to go
i couldn't hide

so i face the truth
and try to deal with it
i'm becoming numb and crazy

i'm sleeping with a same nightmare
i'm walking on the same road
and i'm regretting one same mistake over and over again

well,
there's no fairytale at all
is there any hope?

MUAK

gila...
loe pernah gag berasa TOLOL tapi kali ini bener-bener super TOLOL..
gila...
rasanya gw digampar kenceng-kenceng sampeberdarah-darah
dan gw sadar
GW TOLOL
GW MENYIA-NYIAKAN semua yang harusnya bisa gw miliki dengan bahagia
GW SEENAK-ENAKNYA gw buang semuanya gw tuker semua dengan sampah
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
gw cuma bisa coba ketawa
menertawakan kebodohan gw
menahan diri untuk gag muntah karena JIJIK SAMA DIRI GW SENDIRI


(banyu tolol bening)

broken dream vow of broken-hearted moron

my love never dies but i'll die
my brain never sleeps but my body must be sleep
i know i'll never say goodbye
but there's a time i'll have to say goodbye
my lover
i'm done with you
we're meant to be apart
we're nothing but useless
my lover
you're great
we had an amazing time but that's terribly wrong
i should go
but i couldn't
so i'd rather dying and taking our love with me
and leave you here to stay alive
i'm easy to forget
you'll be happy without me
and i'll forget my broken dream
i just have an imperfect love in a perfect pain
you deserve better than that
so by my lover
good bye

a white demon love song

White demon love song down the hall
White demon shadow on the road
Back up your mind, there is a call
He isn't coming after all
Love this time
She likes the way he sings
White demon love song's in her dreams

White demon, where's your selfish kiss?
White demon sorrow will arrange
Let's not forget about the fear
Black invitation to this place that cannot change
While strangely holy, come for a rain

(darling)

White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?
White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?

Let us be in love
(let us be in love)
Let's do old and grey
(let's do old and grey)
I won't make you cry
(I won't make you cry)
I will never stray
(I will never stray)
I will do my part
(I will do my part)
Let us be in love tonight

White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?
White demon, widen your heart's scope
White demon, who let your friends go?

(stand it anymore, darling)
(stand it)

(I can't stand it anymore, darling)
(stand it)