you're the smoke to my high

it's from auburn-perfect two song
well actually i don't really like the melody
and most of the lyrics was too sweet for me

but there are several lyrics that really real for me
like this one

cause for me
love is like a drug
it makes me high
it makes me sick
it makes me fly
it makes me fall

and he's the smoke to my high
cause he's keeping me high
whenever i'm with him
but fall down and sick
whenever i'm without him

i miss everything, well i miss you

you don't know how much you mean to me
and you'll never know
i'm just missing you so freaking bad
can't stop thinking bout you
and that sucks
cause i know you're really happy with your new life
you're so much more better be without me, i guess
so
i won't bother you for sure
just missing you
so much
damn much
fucking much

love you

mencoba tidak hancur

semakin saya membuka mata dan mencoba melihat dengan benar
semakin saya sadar bahwa nyatanya sudah tidak ada harapan tersisa untuk sekedar SEDIKIT bahagia
mungkin terlalu cengeng bila saya menyatakan ini adalah akhir dari semuanya dan setelah ini saya hanya menjalani kewajiban karena takut untuk bunuh diri
memang bodoh bila saya mengedepankan cinta monyet yang ternyata tidak hilang setelah hampir 4 tahun
tapi bagaimana saya berpikir dengan logika bila hati saya terus meraung dan menghilang sedikit demi sedikit

jelas saya berusaha untuk tidak remuk redam
saya ingin kuat
dan jujur saya sudah berusaha sekuat saya untuk tampak kuat di depan semua orang
saya ingin bisa bertahan
tapi ternyata sulit

dan sekarang sayapun tidak tahu apa yang saya cari
karena semua yang saya inginkan
hanya menjadi mimpi busuk
untuk mencari mimpi baru untuk dikejar
saya rasa saya tidak mau

jadi
biarlah

loving from distance in silence

i know it's kinda stupid talking bout love over and over again
i know i'm better than that but i can't help it
i just can't stop thinking bout him

you know what,it's been like i don't know, 2 months?1 month?since i met him
the last time i met him was when i watched toy story 3 and darn it i forgot when
anyway,
after that i never ever text him thru the bbm nor msn or whatever
cause i don't wanna bother him
and when i stalked his tweets (i know i'm creepy okay?)
it just feels like i almost don't know him
well i know it's his time to go out hang out whatsoever
and yeah he's having a great time,i guess

well i thought after this freaking time i don't even call him or meet him
i'll forget it
i'll get over it
and
i was totally wrong
whenever i saw his tweet i can't stop wondering "what he's gonna do today?"
whenever i saw his picture i just literally feel that fucking butterflies and realized that i miss him so damn much

so
i decided to giving up
i GIVE UP but not STOP
i give up on him
but i won't stop to loving him
i'll be there when he needs me

i'll be there

where were you LAST NIGHT??????????

okay i should be careless
that's your own business but i can't help it
why you should been there?
it's not a big problem i know
but i hate it
to have a thought of what you did there
i hate it when i know you're all grown up now
yeah you've changed a lot!
i hate it
i hate this part of grown up
i hate it when i know you'll get thru this thing till you've had enough
i know it's fun for you
but it's not fun for me
wondering
here
alone

fear of dissapointment

Gw sangad mengerti apa yg membuat gw berubah
Gw gag berani memulai
Gag berani ngomong yg sbenernya
Karna gw takud merasakan kekecewaan yg kemungkinan besar akan gw rasakan
Gw lebih milih mencintai loe diam2 dari kejauhan
Karna gw gag mau kehilangan rasa ini
Kehilangan keinginan untuk mencintai loe
Karna ini satu2nya cara bwad gw untuk ngerasain cinta ygslalu gw damba2kan
Gw mau loe slalu ada di tempat yg selalu gw sisakan bwad loe
I love you

i don't fucking care, i will always love you

i don't care what happen next
i don't care whether you know it or not
i don't care if it looks silly to you
but i just love you
and i can't change that no matter what
so. . . .
just let me love you
i won't bother you
just a love
from distance
in silence

i love you
always

(i guess i'll should mention a lil thing about you)
J