sedih

begitu lama hatiku diam
begitu lama hatiku lupa rasanya memuntahkan sajak
begitu lama hatiku sembunyi
begitu lama hatiku menangis dalam sepi

definisi bahagia tidak selalu sama
bagi hati saya bahagia adalah kamu
meskipun kamu berarti tangis
tapi tangis karna kamu adalah bahagia tersendiri untukku

definisi sedih tidak selalu sama
bagi hati saya sedih adalah kamu yang berhenti tinggal
meskipun ditinggalkan berarti hilang dari segala tangisku
tapi tawa tanpamu adalah sedih

hatiku terombang-ambing selalu
mencoba mempertahankan warnanya namun kamu tidak suka
kamu mengubah semua yang hatiku tidak bisa terima
tapi hatiku sabar dan mengalah meskipun artinya harus berdarah-darah

dan kini aku sedih
hatiku menangis
kamu masih tinggal
dan aku bahagia
tapi aku sedih
dan aku tidak mengerti
dan kamu tidak mau mengerti

it's been a while

it's been a while,
really i'm considering about get rid of this blog
but then i saw that there were 146 posts and it breaks my heart

i know those posts just a bunch of 'labilness' and stupidity that not even worth to read
but they're part of my life
part of my mistakes
maybe i should keep it as reminder

i never write anything lately
don't understand why
maybe my life gets boring and boring every now and then
or maybe i'm just so fed up with everything and even writing couldn't help me

yes i'm being a dramaqueen again
but really i need a personal therapist to help me get through my emotional ride
i can't even figure out what's going on in my head
maybe someone could

yeah so this is my first post after a super long long pause
i guess i'll write about my boring and unnecessary life again
just, you know
to keep me sane