Wednesday, May 1, 2013


first chapter always be so exciting full of love and gooey shitty stuff
but day by day you'll started to miss your room back
your space you freedom your voice
because i becoming us
and us by mean you and you will always right
and i;m vanishing into us
and i'm becoming the smallest part of this relationship

yes i love you madly
but yes you drive me insane
where am i right know?
i have a crisis and you don't even care
i push away everything and you still controlling me

it's my fault to let you do this
but i love you that's why

throw up

oh yeah nothing new still full of shit

it's super confusing somehow i don't know how to be happy (again)
well yeah i'm happy with this and that and stuffs
but really what is the ultimate happiness?

i'm tired of looking for something new
habitual shit becoming my comfort zone
but really there's an exhaustion in me that i will never release

yes i'm so confused since forever
and yes everything about me seem so gloomy and depressing
i'm not this whiny actually
really writing is like my stress relief so no wonder why my writings all so gloomy
i write when i get depressed

i always get this vomiting feeling when i get mad or sad
maybe it's sort of a releasing moment to release the pain
there are lots of things in life that make me sick and fed up
don't know what to do and i feel so small
i'm nothing but a dot of dust

i don't even know why i'm writing about this
but i just need a place to talk
so yeah here i am
talking to myself
eat up my tears

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


begitu lama hatiku diam
begitu lama hatiku lupa rasanya memuntahkan sajak
begitu lama hatiku sembunyi
begitu lama hatiku menangis dalam sepi

definisi bahagia tidak selalu sama
bagi hati saya bahagia adalah kamu
meskipun kamu berarti tangis
tapi tangis karna kamu adalah bahagia tersendiri untukku

definisi sedih tidak selalu sama
bagi hati saya sedih adalah kamu yang berhenti tinggal
meskipun ditinggalkan berarti hilang dari segala tangisku
tapi tawa tanpamu adalah sedih

hatiku terombang-ambing selalu
mencoba mempertahankan warnanya namun kamu tidak suka
kamu mengubah semua yang hatiku tidak bisa terima
tapi hatiku sabar dan mengalah meskipun artinya harus berdarah-darah

dan kini aku sedih
hatiku menangis
kamu masih tinggal
dan aku bahagia
tapi aku sedih
dan aku tidak mengerti
dan kamu tidak mau mengerti

it's been a while

it's been a while,
really i'm considering about get rid of this blog
but then i saw that there were 146 posts and it breaks my heart

i know those posts just a bunch of 'labilness' and stupidity that not even worth to read
but they're part of my life
part of my mistakes
maybe i should keep it as reminder

i never write anything lately
don't understand why
maybe my life gets boring and boring every now and then
or maybe i'm just so fed up with everything and even writing couldn't help me

yes i'm being a dramaqueen again
but really i need a personal therapist to help me get through my emotional ride
i can't even figure out what's going on in my head
maybe someone could

yeah so this is my first post after a super long long pause
i guess i'll write about my boring and unnecessary life again
just, you know
to keep me sane