simple HAPPINESS

we fight we pissed we mocking we murmuring
but it's all worth it anyway
i don't care how much we fight how much we yell
all i know is i'm so happy to be with you

for some people
they keep holding on because they're afraid to lose someone
they're afraid to feel the pain
although they aren't happy anymore

but that's so not me
i ever be sad i ever be disappointed i ever be pissed
but that's not what it's all about
i'm happy to be with you
that's the reason why i keep holding on
there goes my pride
so what?
it's not about pride anymore
and i know i've changed a lot
i may lose some of my fun but who cares
that type of fun just last for one night
but you
you make me happy every single day

so, don't you ever questioning
am i happy
or do i regret this
obviously
i'm so happy
and i love you
:)

start with forever

:)

nothing to say

i love you

price i pay

to be loved and loving

it's a beautiful thing
the most happiest thing
i really love to loving you
and i love to be loved by you

lately
we fight a lot
this isn't our best week
this isn't our best moment
i'm pissed mostly not by your act
i'm pissed because i wish i could be more than this
i mean
i'd rather be the one to blame and make it right at the end of the day
i don't give a damn about my pride
but i just can't
i'm just a human anyway
i could be pissed
and you really are pushing the wrong button
you've gone too far
and i'm mad actually

i just try to keep it together
i don't wanna make it worse
i was just try to holding back

yes it's the price i pay
but i don't mind
i don't wanna lose you
i love you so much
i just sad cause i feel like you don't even realize it
you don't even try to change

i just
i don't know
maybe you don't love me like the way i want
it's fine

i love you anyway
just please don't let me go

i miss you, i miss us

my future just as random as my thoughts

seperti biasa lagi mendadak random
merasa banyak yang dipikirin padahal otak kosong
merasa banyak yang harus diceritakan padahal idup begitu-begitu aja

lagi berpikir tentang masa depan
maksud gw masa depan itu beneran masa depan ya bukan masa depan khayalan yang penuh dengan doraemon dan mobil terbang diparkir di genteng
ini tentang masa depan gw yang terasa sangat blur

gw gag punya bayangan apa yang akan gw lakuin buat mengisi masa depan gw
yang ada di otak gw cuma gw akan kaya raya dengan rumah impian dan unlimited cash
gimana cara?gag tau --"

gw bayangin betapa susahnya kerja dari 0
langsung mau muntah
gw bayangin gw suatu saat akan menikah
klo gw bayangin enak2nya aja si super unyu
tapi deep inside my heart i dont wanna be married EVER!
weird?
ok gw kasi tau kenapa
di depan mata gw banyak pernikahan yang hancur
contoh pastinya orangtua gw
gw gag merasa itu suatu kesalah atau apalah yang harus dilebay2in
cuma gw jadi berpikir aja
gw lebih tahan menghadapi idup gw yang sendiri dan dikatain orang gag laku
daripada gw harus merasakan saat loe harus pisah sama orang yang tadinya loe anggep soul mate loe
pisah sama orang yang tadinya loe anggep akan ada sampe disaat terakhir loe ngeliat dunia
pisah sama orang yang loe liat di bangun tidur loe dan loe liat disaat sebelom loe tidur

gw rasa itu rasa sakit yang agak kurang worth it buat dirasain
jelas pernikahan beda sama pacaran
waktu loe ucapin wedding vow loe
jelas loe bilang loe mau sama itu orang sampe loe mati
dan loe ingkarin sumpah loe sendiri
dan loe terpuruk

mungkin itu terlalu dramatis
cuma secara garis besar emang itu yang gw takutin
mungkin ada masalah juga sama komitmen ya
gw agak takut sama komitmen

tapi gw leih takut sama rasa sakit yang gw belom tau sesakit apa

itu salah satu dari masa depan gw yang masih blur
gimana dengan karir

bisakalh loe bayangin saar orangtua loe udah capek dibebanin sama anak kacrut kayak kita yang nyusahin
saat mereka udah tua dan butuh kita jaga
saat mereka butuh kita beranjak dewasa
dalam segala hal termasuk finansial
loe ud siap?

gimana kalo kerjaan loe begitu2 aja
gimana kalo gaji loe bahkan gag cukup buat nutupin idup loe yang tanpa loe sadari lumayan hedon
loe musti ngapain?

setiap harinya makin banyak orang di bumi ini
setiap harinya kualitas orang mustinya makin meningkat
dan kita gag sehigh quality itu sampe loe pede loe bakal lebih sukses dibandingin sama orang2 lain

kadang pikiran2 cemen yang hopeless ini bisa bikin stress
padahal si emang otak gw dangkal
yang dipikirin paling cuma sedikit
itupun aja gw udah suka bingung
gimana ntar?
saat otak gw makin kompleks
saat otak gw (semoga aja) makin berisi
saat ocehan gw mulai terdengar pintar gag kayak sekarang
bakal seberapa depresi gw saat itu?

kembali ini menjadi pertanyaan yang gag terjawab
dan ya banyak pertanyaan cemen tanpa jawaban
dan lebih baik gw sekarang kembali terhanyut dalam pikiran dangkal gw yang blur
dan mencoba mencari kacamata yang pas untuk melihat dengan lebih jelas

happy friday!

hello there

hey there
you're my every day lately
you're my every thought
you're my every lost pieces
you're my everyTHING

and guess what
the feeling's getting heavier
i can't feel the gravity

i just want you to know
i may look careless
i'm not
i don't know how to be sweet
i'm not use to it
i'm surprise by the feelings that i never felt before
i just don't know what to do

i just want you to know that
I LOVE YOU

officially fallen

now i know what i have to do

stop listening being deaf could be helpful somehow
follow my stupid heart
just let it be

love is the main reason of this stupidity
but i don't give a damn
i'm happy anyway
and all of those tears worth it anyway

so fuck off
head over heels i'm fucking fallen
and i'm happy to say that i love you

when common sense doesn't make any sense

When I've been told by someone about you,about the different side of you that I don't even know
It breaks my heart
How they say that you don't wanna be with me anymore
How you tend to lie to me
How you would like to have another girl in your life
How it may be on purpose when you became irritating somehow
How you want to avoid me

When will you get enough by only one girl?
Do you really love me that much?
Do you really mean every words you say?
Cause up untill now,honestly I trust you more than anything
Though it really makes sense
Though actually that's the truth

If you don't wanna be with me anymore
Why would you act like you do?
What's with all of those attention?
It's getting more confusing
Cause even if you really are a jerk
I don't give a damn anyway

I love you so much I can't just stop
The worst part is
I don't care if I'm being hurted
As long as I get the chance to be with you as long as possible

So please don't lie
Cause I do trust you more than anything
And I love you more than you could imagine

Love you too much

bad worse worst

things are getting worse
i'm sick of it
fuck off

i can't get rid of this fucking headache
i can't get rid of this fucking nightmare
and worst
i can't get rid of this fucking LIFE

i wanna runaway
far
away

unlimited tears

I can't stop crying
I thought I should've no tears left
Cause I do cry a lot

Yes I'm a cry baby
So what,screw you all
You don't even get to know how sucks my life is
And I cry by myself anyway
Nobody knows
So I don't care

Please
Help me
I just wanna die
If I live I want to wake up in the morning and suddenly all of my wishes come true
If it's impossible
Then I'd rather die

(Soy un perdedor. I'm a loser baby, so why don't u kill me)

fuck my life

okay i know i'm complaining too much
i'm complaining to myself anyway
nobody knows nobody cares
so fuck off
i just wanna scream the hell out fucking loud
I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING LIFE
i know it's my stupid fault
i know it turns back to me again!!!!!

but fuck it
i've tried so hard to fix it
but it's not even getting better it's getting worse every single day
fuck off

i wanna cry
i wanna scream
i wanna die!

you know what
i'm craving for any simple thing that actually i should've do
but i couldn't
SIMPLE THING for God's sake!!!!
i need my freedom
my FUCKING FREEDOM THAT SUITS MY FUCKING AGE
but i've lost it all

here i am
full of anger
try to keep this to myself
so fucking hard to not even cry
try to smile
try to looks happy
try to act cool
try to fucking enjoy this mess
FUCK MY LIFE
I'M NOT OKAY
AND I'M FUCKING SICK OF PRETENDING THAT I'M FINE
I'M FRAGILE AND I'M NOT THAT TOUGH
I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE
WHY I HAVE TO BE TOUGH EVERY FUCKING SINGLE TIME????????
I'M JUST A FUCKING HUMAN FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

sooner or later

i've got nothing to say
my tears already say it all
i've got nothing to do
my silence does it all
i've got nothing to prove
my love would prove it all
i've got nothing to lose
my mind will keep it all
i've got nothing but you
my heart will never lie

sooner or later things will turn out like the way it has to be
sooner or later i'll find the answer of my sadness that killing me
sooner or later i'll know what i have to do
sooner or later you'll know why i act this way
sooner or later we'll find out where this things could go
sooner or later

don't ask me why

why do i even love you?
i don't know

you know what
you must love with no reason
you love them because you want to love them
you need them because you love them

if you love someone because they're kind, funny, smart, whatever
would you still love them when they're not kind, funny, or smart anymore?
people change
if they change would you still love them?
or would you just left them because they lost the things that you loved
and would you blame them because they've changed?
would you?

i don't wanna love because of something
l'll love when i want to love
when it feels right to love

i love you for who you are
when you change
i'll still love you
cause it's still you no matter what
there's no if there's no but

i love you

let it happen like the way it has to be

When you've got nothing to do to make things right maybe it's your time to let things happen like the way it has to be

wish I could turn back this fucking time

My life is a total mess
If I had a chance to turn back time I would love to do it
But,there are some things that I don't want to change
If I changed one thing, would it change the others?
I don't know how to make things right lately
Everything's ruined
And I'm done trying
I'm giving up since forever I guess
There's nothing I can do
Cause actually there's nothing I want to do
I'm miserably pathetic
I live my life for the sake of nothing
I just have no choice
I wanna end it
But I don't know how
I wish somebody could tell me what am I supposed to do
But I guess nobody could tell me
Cause there's no answer
There's a lot of questions
But it will be unanswered questions forever
Help me out!!!!!!!!!

wish i was wrong

i'm a really pessimistic person
cause i learnt it hard way
it's hard to watch your father falling apart and forget it just like that
he told me that i should see anything by its bad side so it won't be that hurt when it really happens

so that's becoming my habit
everything could be really bad in my sight
and i'm scared too much
and i always feel that all good things will come to an end in any minute
and i wish that i was wrong
cause i'm really scared to lose him
i want him just for a little long moment
idk what happen next but just give me time

fuck it
i'm getting sad with no reason (again)
i could be so sad for something that not even happen (yet, maybe? idk)

okay i'll just stop
i wish i was wrong i wish happy ending really does exist
i wish

helplessly knowing nothing

i know something's wrong with you
i know you know what's the reason of your depressing phase
i know you just don't wanna tell me

here's the thing
i'm not forcing you to let me know everything that's going on in your life
i never asked just because the sake of afraid not because idc
i'm afraid of being annoying, i'm afraid if i cross the line
but when i didn't ask while actually i'm knowing some things
i just wait for you to spill it out
but i guess i'm not the right place for you to share
well idk
i'm just sad because i can't help
i really want to make you feel better
but what i suppose to do when i know nothing
what i suppose to say when it's just a fucking lucky guess
and what should i do when i already know the reason but from the others?

i really am look stupid
always be the last to know
and acting cool
for god's sake
the truth is
i'm not fine and you are not fine
i knw why but i've got nothing to do while i have to act like idk

u knw what
that sucks
*sigh

mumuhug

okay i admit it this is supposed to be baby's cartoon
but i really love it and it's so sad
you should watch it and you'll know
mumu always be alone
the other cute creature only come for a little time and will always left mumu
i know what it feels like to be left and alone for so many times
that's why i love this movie so much

it's not fair to be left for so many times
why i have to be happy if in the end i have to say goodbye
but life isn't fair anyway
and i hate it
quick hello
and goodbye

:(

how

how i love your smile
how i love your laugh
how i love your hair
how i love you face
how i love touch
how i love your kiss
how i love your jokes
how i love your childishness
how i love your anger
how i love your annoying things
how i love our stupid conversation
how i love our thing
how i love our habitual thingy
how i love our silly moments
how i love our crazy stuffs
how i love anything that going on between us

how could i ever forget you?

FML

feeling like dying
geez
i hate everything
i hate this situation
i hate myself
i hate my life
fuck

what should i do?
there's nothing much to do
i couldn't do anything but accepting the truth
reality sucks
my life sucks

FML!

little you in me

nothing much to say
nothing much to show
cause i guess you already know

nothing much to prove
nothing much to lose
cause it happens just like that it's nothing to lose

nothing much to do
nothing much but you
i got you in me
i got you everywhere
i got you every time

i miss you and that's bad

i miss you
missing someone is slightly killing you inside
it feels weird it feels not right
it sucks

i miss you
like heaven cause missing you is my guilty pleasure
like hell cause it makes me sick

i miss you
whenever we say goodbye i miss you already
when i kiss you goodbye my heart skips a beat it feels like i'm lost

i miss you
i can't take it
i need you
now

it's hard to look at him everyday, knowing that he'll never be mine

shitty words
i hate it cause it's right
i hate it cause actually maybe that's what i feel ever single day

but knowing that he'll never be mine will never be the reason to leave
some things are just happen for the sake's of that moment
things between us happen for us to be happy right now
if in the end we had to go our separate way, it doesn't mean we lost our happy ending
everything ends
and we could end it beautifully
i don't wanna think about how this things should end
how things just turn out as a waste of time
these things are precious
these things are important
these things are my favorite part
so when it ends
it left me beautiful memory
it left me silly stupidity
it left me cute loving moment
it left me the taste of you

so if you'll never be mine
you are right now
not technically
but i know you love me
that's enough :)

that's why i smile

there are so many reasons to smile

watching your favorite show on tv
listening to your favorite music
eating your favorite sweets
chatting with your best friend
going out with your beloved
smoking after a long long boring movie
getting a lil bit tipsy
shopping
just having a beautiful lazy day
watching raindrops
and any other simple stuff that simply makes you smile

and now i smile
the reason why i smile right now is
when i mentioned those things that could make people smile
i remember you
i smile because i just heard your sleepy voice
i smile because you make me smile

what's your reason to smile today?
:)

remember to forget

banyak hal yang harus kita ingat
tapi terkadang kita tidak ingat bahwa kita juga harus melupakan

mungkin terlihat sia-sia mengingat sesuatu hanya untuk kemudian dilupakan
namun sesungguhnya otak kita tidak sebegitu hebatnya untuk dapat terus menerus mengingat hal yang seharusnya dilupakan

banyak hal yang membawa kita dalam kehampaan dan keputus-asaan
dan bukannya melupakannya
kita malahan terus mengingatnya

di saat-saat tertentu kita butuh mengingat untuk lupa
namun sayangnya amnesia tidak bisa kita ada dan tiadakan

saat ini apakah saya ingin lupa?
saya tidak ingin lupa
namun sebenarnya saya harus melupakan

jadi sesungguhnya ada 2 masalah utama
lupa untuk melupakan
atau tidak ingin ingat untuk melupakan

saya tidak butuh mengingat untuk lupa
karna saya ingat namun saya tidak mau

saat saatnya telah tiba
saat mungkin semua ini hanya tinggal menjadi kenangan indah yang usang seperti museum barang antik yang berdebu
mungkin saat itulah saya harus mau
untuk mengingat bahwa saya harus melupakan

nothing much just stupid thoughts

hanya ingin ngobrolin hal gak jelas
hahaha
kadang gw suka mikir ada banyak hal yang susah untuk diobrolin sama temen
sama temen biasanya obrolan kita haha-hihi gag jelas
meskipun obrolan dengan diri sendiri juga sama gag jelasnya
cuma sebenernya gw yakin dalam otak kita masing-masing ada banyak hal yang gag bisa kita ungkapin dengan gampang

seperti gw contohnya
gw punya blog, gw punya twitter
ud cukup banget buat gw ngoceh asik tapi media ini buat diliat sama orang banyak juga
dan untuk ini gw juga bingung kenapa gw harus punya blog
karna gw gak mau orang2 tau gw punya blog (okeh gw labil --" maaf)
dan gw juga punya diary
emang kayak anak sd
kayak anak di jaman batu
tapi loe harus tau

kadang ada saat dimana loe pengen banget menumpahkan sesuatu yang absurd
yang hanya buat rahasia kecil bagi diri loe sendiri
rahasia otak loe yang mungkin akan dianggep aneh sama orang lain
gag semua org bisa dengan frontal nangis, marah2, ketawa, bete buat nunjukin perasaannya
gw bukan tipe org seperti itu
gw merasa tulisan lebih representatif
gw merasa tulisan lebih terbuka dan bebas
gw merasa tulisan lebih jelas maknanya daripada kata2 emosional yang terkadang salah maksud

okeh gw tau post ini sangat gag jelas dan mungkin membingungkan
ud gw blg gw cuma mau ngobrol gag jelas
dan ini salah satu pikiran absurd yang mungkin membingungkan
dan ini salah satu alasan gw butuh mengobrol dengan diri sendiri
hahaha


bye! :D

tell me

lately i've been so amazed by the way i act
why?
i didn't lie and it's just because i really can't lie!
i want to
i really want to
but i can't cause i feel really bad
so instead of lying i tell him the truth and try to be nice

i never been like this
cause usually that "temptation" which i couldn't mention it here :p
will never lose
it always wins me
but not this time
he won the game

is it love?
is it stupidity?
is it commitment?
is it unreasonable answer?
well tell me
is it him?

well idc anyway
cause it makes me better
it makes me happy to be good
it makes me happy to make him smile
it makes me complete to be like this

and let me repeat this for you
i'm happy with this thing's going on between us
and tho this maybe won't last for so long
i have no regret
cause you make me happy
and that's the point
:)

shitty me in one week

SORRY
idk how may times i said SORRY
and the worst part is i know it's all my fault
idk why but i just acted so damn aaarrrggghhh
drunk and restless and stupid
and i skipped everything
forgetting
crying
laughing
forgetting

i just wanna say sorry
and thanks for understanding me
thanks for taking care of me
when someday this thing should end
there's gonna be no regret
i love you
this is great! :)

our fights = i love you

we're fighting like a lot lately --"
but after the fight we'll miss each other so much
and YOU especially kinda love the fight
YOU LIKE IT WHEN I'M MAD
cause for u it means i do care of you and i do love you
maybe it's true
we care TOO much
that's why we're fighting cause we're just too worried
and now i know every 'whatever' and every 'shut up'
means 'i love you,please understand'

love you
a lot! as much as our fights well more than our fights LOL

still don't get it

okeh gw harus belajar terima kenyataan
jujur
gw idup dalam mimpi yg masih ngawang2, mimpi semu
gw gag mikir ke depannya idup gw bakal jadi apa
semua keliatannya cuma ampas

gw happy sekarang
jujur
gw beneran happy
meskipun ada beribu masalah nusuk gw dari belakang
masih ada beberapa alasan yang bikin gw sedikit happy

cuma klo gw lagi mikir kenyataan yang sebenernya
HAPPY-nya gw gag bakal bisa tahan lama
entah happy gw itu for another weeks, months, or if i was lucky enough for another years

gw gag tau mau gw bawa kmana idup gw
gw gag tau apa yang musti gw lakuin
mungkin gw emang cuma bisa let it flow
mungkin gw akan begini terus
mungkin gw akan bangkit pelan2 sambil ngesot2 gag jelas

yang pasti
gw gag mau mikir
gw sedih klo gw balik ke kenyataan

jadi biarlah gw idup dalam bayang2
karna jujur
i still don't get it! --"

hello there, MISS YOU

okay, last week or maybe last two weeks
i told my best friend that maybe i should have to make it clear
well you know my relationship's getting deeper
i don't wanna get hurt, and i don't want him to get hurt
so i guess we should just make it more fun and build a wall between us
just to make sure we're doing it right
but
i think you know what's happening rite now
we're getting closer and i'm falling in too deep
guess what
i don't care
cos i really am happy to be with him
and this is fun
if at the end of the day i was the one who's getting hurt
that's the consequences of loving rite?
so
here we are again
two love birds in confusing moment
well
i love you :p

CHEAT-ed CHEAT-ing CHEAT-er

cheated (worst :p)
being cheated, omg so sad
hahaha
it's just well i never be cheated
i ever cheated
i ever be the girl that make these guys cheating on their girlfriend
but i never be cheated :) LOL
being cheated (maybe) just feel like you're just some crap
if you're good enough than your partner wouldn't be cheating on you right?
that sucks
sorry girls, i'm so sorry

cheating (nice)
it's just nice to do it
well you know
the excitement
the euphoria
new story, with a naughty twist
that's just so boosting up my mood LOL
but in the end we'll be so confused about where this thing's gonna end
that's the bad part

being the one who make other people CHEAT (confusing)
it's not a good part too
cause you're not the real one
you should hide
but still the excitement just nice etc etc
but that kinda sucks when you involve feelings
cause you should know
he could end this relationship anytime in order to keep his REAL gf
that SUCKS

so
we shouldn't have any affair
but if you choose to do it
well
do it right
and don't forget
HAVE FUN!
:D

flying without wings

i'm in love with that feeling
feeling so fly and forgetting all of those craps for a moment
but the thing i hate the most is
when suddenly you just come back
reality getting clearer and it kills me

i wanna fly high
i don't wanna fall i don't wanna wake up
let me fly
without wings

GALAU is my GUILTY PLEASURE

aneh,
entah knapa dri kmaren kata2 ini mantek di otak gw
dan entah knapa hari ini gw lagi males nulis sesuatu berbau ingin mati bunuh diri dan jatuh cinta haha

GALAU
sbenernya apa itu galau
mnurut gw galau itu saat dimana loe sedih (biasanya karna urusan cinta dan tetek bengeknya yang emang brengsek) dan gag tau mau ngapain, dan loe itu hanya menggalau

knapa gw bisa blg galau itu guilty pleasure?
entah knapa tyap gw liat timeline di twitter gw setengahnya adalah tweet galau
dan klo gw liat timeline gw sndiri, stengahnya pun tweet galau

apa sii enaknya menggalau?
jelas2 galau itu sedih --"
tapi kita slalu galau tiap hari
dan kita ekspos kegalauan kita dan kita tetep gag mau ktauan galau
karna itu makanya gw bilang GALAU is my GUILTY PLEASURE

gw?galau?
yakali, gag lah yaa cyiiiin
pdahal gw abis ngetweet
" i know we're gonna be nothing, but i don't care "
sadiiiiiiisssss
--"

sgala kegalauan ini bikin gw pusing dan bingung
knapa kita slalu galau
dan knapa kita mau org tau kita galau
apakah karna galau kita cari perhatian?
knapa ud ktauan galau gag mau ngaku
apakah takut kliatan lemah?
knapa ud tau galau gag enak kita tetep suka menggalau
apakah sebenernya sedih itu adiktif?

gw masih bingung tentang makna galau
tapi yang jelas gw tau
GW LAGI GALAU!

i'm (might be) in love with you

it's like one month well maybe almost two months
we're drowning in this relationship
well okay you've got a girlfriend (duh)

(before i write any further i gotta tell you all that i'm kinda attracted to taken guys, cos this is the 3rd time i have this kind of relationship, as the 3rd party, shit!)

okay
so, it's like we're falling into this mess quite deep
is it love?
well i know it's not about how long you've been with someone
but how it feels
do you FEEL the chemistry?
do you WANT to be with them?
do you NEED them?
do you WANT to LOVE them?

well
it's getting more confusing cos i know you're not playing any games
you do care of me
you got nothing from annoying girl like me
but you want to be with me
and i feel the same way

a lot of weird things going on
and the weirdest part is we exactly feel the same thing
like
i miss you already whenever you drive me home and we're already so close to my house
and you just feel it too
whenever you're not around i could sense your scent
then you told me that you could feel it, before i told you

but i just wondering
how long you'll be around?
i don't wanna have high expectation
and honestly
i really really try to build a strong wall around my heart
i don't wanna be TOO in love with you
but it's hard
whenever i think with my brain
my heart screams

well we could just let it flow
and enjoy our time
cos nobody knows
how long we could be together like this
so
well
(maybe) i really do love you
:)

better doesn't mean FINE

i'm feeling a lot better than the other shitty shitty days ago
but it doesn't mean i'm fine
i'm not fine for God's sake
i'm stressed out and it couldn't stop
i can't tell myself to stop being depressed
i can't stop it
and geez now i feel crazy
cause idk
i could changing mood like a lot, and it's so clearly weird
cos i could be like really really real sad
then i'm happy like i wanna laugh my ass out
that's weird --'

well actually i could survive because of i'm a lil bit crazy
so yeah idc
and i could survive because he makes me smile everytime i get depressed
he doesn't know anything tho
but still he's helping me a lot
love yaa!
:*

i can't take it

im tired
im fed up
im depressed
im nuts
im mad
im dying
im crying
im wishing
im hopeless
im useless
im done with this

could i just say BYE?

saatnyaa untuk menyerah

bukannya saya tidak mau mencoba tapi saya sudahmencoba dan ternyata sata tidak bisa
bukannya saya lari dari kenyataan tapi saya tidak bisa menghadapinya dan saya perlu menepi sejenak
hati saya hancur sehancur hidup saya
saya tidak bisa berpikir saya hanya berharap saya dapat mati saja
terserah
saya memang berlebihan
terserah
saya memang lemah

ini hidup saya dan saya tidak sanggup menjalaninya
lalu apa yang harus saya lakukan
saya mau mati

saya menyerah namun tidak ada pilihan untuk menyerah
bunuh saya
dan saya betul-betul menyerah

should i?

this is not what i intended
i don't know wanna live like this
and i hate my fucking life

should i just run away and hide
or face it then going mad?

i can't take it anymore
and i admit it that i'm a LOSER JERK!
i'm irresponsible
i'm immature
i'm selfish
and guess what
i'm tired of trying

BYE

both LOVE

for me there's no exact time like when we could finally say that we're in love
it could be happen in one year one month one week one day even just an hour
love isn't something that absolute
love is absurd thing that turns our world around

well maybe i'm in love
i don't know
all of the sudden gooey romantic thingy not really annoyed me
gooey nicknames becoming my guilty pleasure
and gooey conversation becoming my sweets

i know right?
that's kinda weird
i'm not really into romantic thingy
i hate gooey romantic people
i hate drama

but i like you a lot
so
well
we're in love?
i guess

:p

to the TOP of the WORLD !

If you're really depressed you just couldn't stop it
well maybe you could hide it but at some point you're gonna feel so shitty as hell
I don't know what I really feel
Well sometimes I'm happy but sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix my fucking life
Well I don't know maybe I'm going mad

And all I really need is
Feeling SO HIGH
FLY
FLOATING
I don't wanna stay on the ground
World makes me sick
Life makes me sick
Love makes me sick

Let me flying high
To the top of the world
How?
Well I know how
LOL

when you're jealous (it's kinda cute) ;;)

hey YOU :p

just thinking about our conversation last night
and remember about your cute words
well

you said
"do you even get jealous if i suddenly go out with your best friend? but just two of us?"

and i answered it
"actually it's okay, if you go out with her, that's fine"

"seriously, you don't even think about it even a bit?"

"well maybe it feels weird"

"that's what i felt when you went out with my friend just two of you. well actually that's fine, but i can't stop thinking about it"

"yeah maybe i know what you feel"

"so.. don't do it again please?"

"okay"

:DDD why do you have to be so cute!!!!!!!

sorry for being so COOL-kas (kulkas) --"

after you got so bete at me last night
i just had realized that i'm far too cold and careless?
well it's about simple thing (for me)
after we went out
we got home
you got home
then you told me that you'll text me later
i've been waiting for it but after an hours still there's no text
but i thought
hey maybe he's doing something or whatever cause i knew that he couldn't and wouldn't sleep at that time
and i didn't even try to looking for him
then i found up that the network was rubbish
he's been looking for me but there's no reply
he's trying to call me but it didn't connected

at about 3:30 suddenly his texts was delivered
and i replied it
then he called me
and he told me that he's looking for my reply
he thought that i was going out somewhere
or doing some shitty stuffs
then he's so BETE well not angry BETE
and i thought it was not a big deal
till i think about it again
well that's kinda annoying and just show him that i don't really care about him
though he was gone for 2 hours
i didn't even try to looking for him

well
i should stop being that type of person
you know
so CUEK and BODO AMAT
well sorry
i'll try to fix it for you
okay?

:)

i'm falling slowly btw
you got me :*

care TOO much

yesterday wasn't my best night
and i acted quite stupid like hell
then he picked me up
last night was quite a blur for me
but i remember how stupid i am
i remember he looked angry a bit
but he's the one who taking care of me

but i remember one sweetest thing that he did last night
he's having a conversation with his friend
then this words came out
"she doesn't know that i'm giving all of me, she still act this way and make me stressed out cause i can't stop thinking about her, cause i do care of her, TOO MUCH"
because i was quite stupid at that night
i don't know who's she
so i asked
"who is SHE"
and he said
"YOU, stupid"
then he hugged me

i know we're not a perfect match
with our own issues
we shouldn't be together
but when the universe meet us up
it happened for a reason
and we're ended up like this for a reason

i know what you feel and you know what i feel
why don't we just have fun?
spend our precious time together
why it's precious?
cause you know it's kinda hard for us to meet up
because there are few reasons
but as you see, we met up a LOT
i guess that happen because of one reason

cause we can't stand missing each other

well actually
i miss you already
do you?

:)

wish i could get up from this ALL TIME LOW

yeah i know i'm being overreacted
yes i've got some issues
and yes it's okay to get depressed somehow
but still
i wanna be tough
cause i hate being weak
it feels awful

so
i'm trying to get my strength back
and i'm happy there are few people who bother to care about me
i'm happy cause i know that
i'm NOT ALONE

thanks for them
thanks for you
thanks

i know i can get up
SOON :)

gone going gone

i'm not a liar
but i'm telling lies
i'm not a lover
but i i'm loving

i hate so many things
but i forgive

i love so many people
but i left them

i would like to stay
but i'm gone instead

i'm not leaving
just gone with the wind

(banyu bening)

HIGH

hey
it's been awhile

well
i've got nothing to say

just
i don't know

got a pretty bad mood today
kinda lost also
felling sick and tired
disoriented i guess

well i hate my REAL LIFE
i wanna get lost in my daydreaming
i wanna run away

when i'm not that sober
it feels great
it's like living in my own dream
and that's what i really need

so . . .
i don't wanna be sober
i don't wanna be awake
gotta feeling high
and let me fly without wings

high
and
fly

hey there YOU :(

he left me once
he left me twice

well the second one, i guess i should blame it on the situation not him
but still i hate being left
i hate to be the one who's waiting
i hate to be the one who stays and cries every single day
it kills me

5 month should be easy for me
cause i was waiting for you for 5 month
remember?
and i could make it thru

it's been a week since you've been gone
but it feels like a month
and it makes me feel so alone

but i know in the end
we'll make it thru the day
and start all over again

i love you
i miss you

and i'm waiting for sure

Everytime you go away - Brian McKnight

I know sometimes you have to leave
But I wish that you could stay
Everytime you go away

You take A piece of me with you
Everytime you say goodbye

miserable me

time flies and i hate it
he'll be gone so soon
and i don't know why, the loneliness already bite my heart
and i'm crying like a lot!
i thought i couldn't cry anymore
cause i've been crying like almost ever single day
but here i am weak pathetic creature
i can't imagine, will i survive thru those lonely days?
i'm tired and suffer
i'm tired being left
i'm done with those pain

i just want you to stay
:(

14.02.11

i don't want anything


i just want
YOU
to
stay

happy valentine's day
ily
kb

*be

gray

you don't even know what i'm feeling inside
even if i told you i know you wouldn't believe it
you know what the worst part is?
trying so hard to get nothing in the end
i'm TRYING SO HARD to forgive you!
do you think it's easy for me?
HELL NO!
i hate you so much remember?
you know how much i hate you!
and you're the one who really knows all the stupid things that you did to me
do you think i deserved that shit?
now after you came into my life again and i forgive you just like that
still
it's not enough
with you there's no certainty
there's no white there's no black
we're just a GRAY line

blame it on me

okay, i did it again
you know, being a jerk
honestly from the very first time i should've known that it wont be long-lasting
and i hate me for being stupid to not notice that shit
and i hate me for being a jerk to let it goes
i know i didn't make a huge mistake as i did before
but still, it's not a good thing to do
i made another disappointment
and i know that's all my fault
just feel so guilty
and sorry for being such an asshole
i didn't mean it at all, but well i did anyway
so all i can say is just
SORRY