better doesn't mean FINE

i'm feeling a lot better than the other shitty shitty days ago
but it doesn't mean i'm fine
i'm not fine for God's sake
i'm stressed out and it couldn't stop
i can't tell myself to stop being depressed
i can't stop it
and geez now i feel crazy
cause idk
i could changing mood like a lot, and it's so clearly weird
cos i could be like really really real sad
then i'm happy like i wanna laugh my ass out
that's weird --'

well actually i could survive because of i'm a lil bit crazy
so yeah idc
and i could survive because he makes me smile everytime i get depressed
he doesn't know anything tho
but still he's helping me a lot
love yaa!
:*

i can't take it

im tired
im fed up
im depressed
im nuts
im mad
im dying
im crying
im wishing
im hopeless
im useless
im done with this

could i just say BYE?

saatnyaa untuk menyerah

bukannya saya tidak mau mencoba tapi saya sudahmencoba dan ternyata sata tidak bisa
bukannya saya lari dari kenyataan tapi saya tidak bisa menghadapinya dan saya perlu menepi sejenak
hati saya hancur sehancur hidup saya
saya tidak bisa berpikir saya hanya berharap saya dapat mati saja
terserah
saya memang berlebihan
terserah
saya memang lemah

ini hidup saya dan saya tidak sanggup menjalaninya
lalu apa yang harus saya lakukan
saya mau mati

saya menyerah namun tidak ada pilihan untuk menyerah
bunuh saya
dan saya betul-betul menyerah

should i?

this is not what i intended
i don't know wanna live like this
and i hate my fucking life

should i just run away and hide
or face it then going mad?

i can't take it anymore
and i admit it that i'm a LOSER JERK!
i'm irresponsible
i'm immature
i'm selfish
and guess what
i'm tired of trying

BYE

both LOVE

for me there's no exact time like when we could finally say that we're in love
it could be happen in one year one month one week one day even just an hour
love isn't something that absolute
love is absurd thing that turns our world around

well maybe i'm in love
i don't know
all of the sudden gooey romantic thingy not really annoyed me
gooey nicknames becoming my guilty pleasure
and gooey conversation becoming my sweets

i know right?
that's kinda weird
i'm not really into romantic thingy
i hate gooey romantic people
i hate drama

but i like you a lot
so
well
we're in love?
i guess

:p

to the TOP of the WORLD !

If you're really depressed you just couldn't stop it
well maybe you could hide it but at some point you're gonna feel so shitty as hell
I don't know what I really feel
Well sometimes I'm happy but sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do to fix my fucking life
Well I don't know maybe I'm going mad

And all I really need is
Feeling SO HIGH
FLY
FLOATING
I don't wanna stay on the ground
World makes me sick
Life makes me sick
Love makes me sick

Let me flying high
To the top of the world
How?
Well I know how
LOL

when you're jealous (it's kinda cute) ;;)

hey YOU :p

just thinking about our conversation last night
and remember about your cute words
well

you said
"do you even get jealous if i suddenly go out with your best friend? but just two of us?"

and i answered it
"actually it's okay, if you go out with her, that's fine"

"seriously, you don't even think about it even a bit?"

"well maybe it feels weird"

"that's what i felt when you went out with my friend just two of you. well actually that's fine, but i can't stop thinking about it"

"yeah maybe i know what you feel"

"so.. don't do it again please?"

"okay"

:DDD why do you have to be so cute!!!!!!!

sorry for being so COOL-kas (kulkas) --"

after you got so bete at me last night
i just had realized that i'm far too cold and careless?
well it's about simple thing (for me)
after we went out
we got home
you got home
then you told me that you'll text me later
i've been waiting for it but after an hours still there's no text
but i thought
hey maybe he's doing something or whatever cause i knew that he couldn't and wouldn't sleep at that time
and i didn't even try to looking for him
then i found up that the network was rubbish
he's been looking for me but there's no reply
he's trying to call me but it didn't connected

at about 3:30 suddenly his texts was delivered
and i replied it
then he called me
and he told me that he's looking for my reply
he thought that i was going out somewhere
or doing some shitty stuffs
then he's so BETE well not angry BETE
and i thought it was not a big deal
till i think about it again
well that's kinda annoying and just show him that i don't really care about him
though he was gone for 2 hours
i didn't even try to looking for him

well
i should stop being that type of person
you know
so CUEK and BODO AMAT
well sorry
i'll try to fix it for you
okay?

:)

i'm falling slowly btw
you got me :*

care TOO much

yesterday wasn't my best night
and i acted quite stupid like hell
then he picked me up
last night was quite a blur for me
but i remember how stupid i am
i remember he looked angry a bit
but he's the one who taking care of me

but i remember one sweetest thing that he did last night
he's having a conversation with his friend
then this words came out
"she doesn't know that i'm giving all of me, she still act this way and make me stressed out cause i can't stop thinking about her, cause i do care of her, TOO MUCH"
because i was quite stupid at that night
i don't know who's she
so i asked
"who is SHE"
and he said
"YOU, stupid"
then he hugged me

i know we're not a perfect match
with our own issues
we shouldn't be together
but when the universe meet us up
it happened for a reason
and we're ended up like this for a reason

i know what you feel and you know what i feel
why don't we just have fun?
spend our precious time together
why it's precious?
cause you know it's kinda hard for us to meet up
because there are few reasons
but as you see, we met up a LOT
i guess that happen because of one reason

cause we can't stand missing each other

well actually
i miss you already
do you?

:)

wish i could get up from this ALL TIME LOW

yeah i know i'm being overreacted
yes i've got some issues
and yes it's okay to get depressed somehow
but still
i wanna be tough
cause i hate being weak
it feels awful

so
i'm trying to get my strength back
and i'm happy there are few people who bother to care about me
i'm happy cause i know that
i'm NOT ALONE

thanks for them
thanks for you
thanks

i know i can get up
SOON :)